The world doesn’t appreciate autism
The world is a really mean place. It is not meant for an autistic individual like me. I guess that’s why from a very early age we have been excluded from mingling with the rest. There are a few of us who I guess are lucky enough to be diagnosed early and choose a path where there is constant support but it comes with a pre-identified invisible tag which people read as “special” or “mentally retarded” or in my language “pagal”.
I was unfortunate and unlucky that I missed that path, but the path I was shown was equally horrible. It was filled with isolation, rejection, bullying, expectations, too many noises, too many touches and a too much of everything else.
See, an autistic brain is sometimes wired to absorb too much or too little. Mine is wired to absorb too much and it took its toll on me. I struggled through school, I struggled socially, I struggled and struggled and finally got something on my own, but I guess I forgot to take a break in between. A human brain is capable of absorbing a little information but when the information keeps piling on, a simple touch is enough to topple the pile of all that information, all the memories, all the learning, only to crush you at the end of it. It’s a moral dilemma, to break or not, if you do, you may lose everything, if you don’t you will lose yourself.
No wonder people kill themselves, this much of chaos in life can make anyone weak in the knees. Life is not a video game where people can see your stats, or else everyone would be passing out elixirs or a health kit to the people around who are suffering. This is not how it works and people are left to defend for themselves.
When I see people outside, I see the pain behind their eyes, the emotions they are hiding behind that voice, believe me, it’s a curse to see and feel the world like that, and the helplessness is torturing.
No matter what, the life goes on, the sun will rise and set again, babies will be born and people will die and people will do everything to ignore this feeling. Empathy is a treasure, the kind of treasure that comes with a warning, but I guess, the fool who opted for it was blind in the desperation to stand out. People say they sympathize, I wonder if they even do, empathy is way beyond that for most of them. If you can’t get yourself in the shoes of another human how can you know them?
Now, living with all this is a burden, but I choose to not give up, like Captain America, when he was just a small boy called Steve. No matter how many blows you give, I will still stand up, but it does pull down my morale over the time.
So what do you do to keep yourself up and going, you develop a special interest and work towards it. Over the time if you are lucky enough the special interest may help you sustain. But like I said the world is not meant to accept and appreciate people on the spectrum, people with autism, people with Asperger’s syndrome. You can name it whatever you like because it doesn’t matter, the world is not going to accept you till you fight for it.
The society will chew and spit you out like it didn’t even matter and you will be back on the ground trying to find all your pieces to pull them back together.
The world doesn’t appreciate autism and it will never till people like me don’t bring our stories out.