Updated: May 15
The world is filled with people who are wearing a mask. A mask which they rarely take off. No one knows who a person really is because everyone is busy masking, sometime people forget who they really are.
I won't call these people phonies or two faced, they do what they have to do for a reason. Just like people on the spectrum mask various behaviours and habits to be accepted by the rest of the neurotypical world the world is doing the same.
In case of neurodiverse people like me we get tired after a period of time and tend to take the mask off, it's not easy but we do because we can't function with so much burden. Masking is a behaviour we learn after years of mental and social abuse. We want to enjoy like everyone else but just because we are different and the world is ignorant we have to wear this mask to blend in, to make others believe that we are like them.
Very rarely we will find people on the spectrum openly talking about who they are really, it takes a lot of courage to admit it in front of others that one is on the spectrum, specially in our society where it is still considered as a disease.
The mask which neurotypicals wear is something I don't understand. We sometime say this is their personality but in reality it feels like a mask. I have had the chance to study (observe) few neurotypical people and learnt that they are completely different on person and it varies from people to people. They will act differently in front of their parents, would switch to another mask in office or school, will switch to another when with close friends and switch again to a new mask when they are getting intimate with someone. This is too much for an aspie brain like me where in I want to like smack them on the back so they can function properly, the kind of smack you give to an old tv when you see lots of disturbance in it.
I have been told by neurotypical friends that i shouldn't be me in front of a girl if i intend to date her. Which in the past have worked but like i said i can't keep the mask for long and so goes the relationship along with it.
I was lucky that this time I didn't believe in any of the crap and was me on the date. I believe that the girl should know what she is getting into, luckily she was ok with it. It's a struggle sometimes but we manage.
She has mentioned this couple of times that she loves me for being me, honest and straightforward, sometime this is the reason of arguments also but at least I don't change into Dr. Jekyll in front of her and becomes Mr. Hydd in front of others.
My advice to all the neurodiverse people like me out there, be you, don't change, if you keep trying you will lose yourself and will not be able to live a healthy life because this will consume you from inside.
To the world, learn to accept neurodiversity.